Looking Back And Looking Forward (A Confession And Promise to My Wife)

A year ago today, I was spending my last day in Uganda. We had already went shopping for Ugandan made souvenirs at a local market and had spent a final few hours with the children at St. Mary Kevin’s Primary School. Leaving those children was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. They gripped my heart from the moment a small hand slipped into mine. They have so little by our material standards, but the faith and love that they showed me was far more than I had ever offered to anyone outside of my family. God broke my heart and soul during those two weeks.

I came home a changed man. On fire for God with a burdened heart for the world’s poor. I always found myself talking about the trip, the extreme poverty that I saw and encouraged everyone that would listen to get involved due to the great need. A year later the burden on my heart for Uganda hasn’t went away. If and when God calls me back, I will go. No hesitation.

This week I really found myself reflecting back on the trip. I am sure the year anniversary of the trip is part of it, but I believe that my wife and daughter not being home for past seven days is the main cause. You see they left on Saturday for nine days to work with the Navajo people of Black Mountain Arizona. Even though I have been with my son for the week, the loneliness caused by my wife not being around has left a hole in my heart. A hole that only God could fill.

This week God has shown me how to really lean on Him for support. Without Him and the help from friends He provided, I don’t know how I would have made it through the week. He has allowed me to bond with my son like never before. He has shown me how I need to be more supportive of my daughter. He has shown me that I need to be a better father to both and look to Him as my example.

So what about my wife you say? Well that is the most important lesson that I have learned this week. I must confess that I don’t even come close to being the Godly husband that my wife wants and more importantly deserves. I take the things she does for me and my family for granted. I let my selfishness get the best of me, not giving her wants and needs the consideration they deserve.

Kimberly, I’m sorry. I pledge to you and God that with His help I will do better (because I must). I’m by no means perfect and I am sure that I will still screw up (no doubt more often than I would like), but I promise to always look to God for guidance. To repent when I’ve been wrong and to always apologize.

I can’t wait to hear all about your trip. I Love You. I Miss You. I can’t wait for you to return on Sunday so I can hold you again.

With Love, John